It was the perfect war for this strange, new world. Done, dusted and filed away in just twelve days. Heroes and villains and speeches. Incompetence at high-noon followed by promises of nuclear holocausts at five minutes before midnight. Knowing whispers, conspiracies and inside base-ball. The end of the world at any damn moment, if not sooner, apparently.
Yawn.
I’ve caught myself doing that a lot lately. Increasingly, I’m finding it difficult to get worked up into a fuming mess by prospects of the world meeting an untimely end.
Reality as we know it is ending, that is all.
A common, shared, consensus reality is now consigned to the dustbin of human history. The parlour is almost empty of things we, as human beings, can agree on and sit down to converse with and dine with each other on. So, I guess, we may starve to death in silence, eventually. Talking on any subject nowadays really involves considering two or three different realities for the duration of the discourse. This number may multiply quite quickly in the years ahead too. So, wild west times are ahead, for sure, but not the end of the 4.5 billion year old earth methinks.
My own non-scientific analysis believes Iran still only possesses very decaffeinated uranium. War-mongers disagree and believe the Iranians are/were merely hours away from putting the finishing touches to an impressive looking stainless steel espresso machine. Well, until fourteen big, beautiful bombs from the United States obliterated the craftmanship.
Or maybe they didn’t. Or maybe they half did.
As I said, consensus reality is past tense.
Now, according to the people who know things, Iran's decaffeinated uranium levels have reached 60%, which is significantly closer to espresso grade uranium than the people who know things would like. How much the people who know things actually know is becoming more and more debatable as the old reality ends and the new ones begin to emerge. It is equally possible these people know everything or next to nothing. And in both scenarios all-out war is their out-of-the-box answer.
Uranium is considered Italian espresso quality when it reaches levels somewhere north of 90% caffeine enrichment. Thoughts of Iran possessing coffee beans of this nature have been keeping some these knowledgeable maniacs up all night. For twelve nights in a row. At which point World War Three and regime change were order of the day and the only solution to ensure a good night’s sleep for many of these people who know things. Thankfully, after twelve days a compromise was found and fourteen big, beautiful bombs later a cease-fire was initiated.
For those worried that an era of world peace is upon us, fear not. A new, intense blend of aromatic coffee-beans will be sniffed out somewhere else soon enough and another war will be on the table. Probably, a seven day inter galactic conflict next-time to spice things up a little bit.
As a brief aside, civilian nuclear power plants typically run at 3-5% uranium enrichment levels which by comparison probably ranks them as some kind of herbal tea you’d find on one of the lower shelfs in Lidl. Although, people would do well to consider installing one on the roof beside the solar panels for the times ahead. For health and safety reasons just don’t put it anywhere near an espresso machine.
The world is not ending.
But consensus reality has breezed past its sell-by date.
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Whatever about the strength of the Iranian's coffee I reckon back home we are sleep walking inta a Joe Duffy presidency. As if Robinson, McAllese and Higgins wern bad enough we are now faced with Duffy. Another Oligarch of the Irish regime. The man who apparently allowed us talk provided the subject matter stayed within the regimes lane. Mickey Martin no doubt is working in the background to ensure it happens.
Apparently, the end of the world comes tomorrow. That's right, the 29th June 2025. According to 'The Simpsons'.
It seems that this date has been referenced in numerous episodes dating back to 1999. The last episode which refrenced this date was one were Mr Burns mentioned the date and the end of electricity.
I turned off from outside noises for the last few weeks, I was yawning so much, been driving an artic all over our beautiful country, delivering the essentials for our survival and witnessing so much bizarre behaviour at truck stops.
2 things I noticed Gerry, the obesity levels in Ireland are through the roof, saw nothing but families spending a week's worth of shopping on one obesity rich meal which the diners should be avoiding due to their obvious morbid obesity, children especially. Heartbreaking stuff.
The 2nd thing is EV owners. Parked as I usually am by 5pm over by the ESB chargers, I get to observe the habits of this new breed of consumers. Nearly all seem to wear shorts or summer dresses and stand happily in the lashings of rain affixing the charger to their car and then spending an eternity pressing buttons on the charging machine and their phone before hopping off into the building which offers nothing but fast food, toilets and an overpriced shop. Here they spend 1 to 3 hours, intermittently hopping out in the lashings of rain to stare at the charger and their phone. This breed of consumer all have a civil servant vibe about them and many were seen with a copy of the Irish chimes.
Apart from these two things, everything else I saw was normal.