A letter from a fellow traveller on the road

Every so often I receive an email in response to something I've written. One such email hit my inbox after my last post. The magnitude of this person's personal story hits home to me more powerfully than what I attempted to write.

I’ve asked the woman in question if she’d allow me to publish her words here and she has kindly agreed. I feel there may be something in it for people.

Gerry

That's a beautiful piece. I understand completely. Sometimes it's so overwhelming. When we start to give thanks - even for the little things (and no matter how bad things get, there's always something to be thankful for) then it opens one up to these experiences.

My journey started way back and I didn't recognise it at the time.

In an attempt to improve our two older children's education and broaden their horizons, I took them to see the Ghandi film about 1982 to show them how other people lived and their struggles. We were quite moved by the film and they had a lot of questions afterwards I remember and I had no Dr Google or Wikipedia back then to help me. They were about 12 and 14 at the time.

This was in a the cinema in Dublin. Back then there were few good cinemas in rural areas and I wanted them to get the full impact of the big screen.

On the way out, the Hare Khrishna people were outside in their saffron robes and shaven heads chanting, playing their drums and handing out literature and stuff. We stopped to chat.

On our return trip home, on the old Dublin Enfield road (no motorway then) along before Carton Estate in Maynooth on the left hand side of the road there was a tree on fire high up in the branches.  We stopped to look and I thought maybe this is dangerous and I should report it. I thought it might spread to electricity poles/wires. We stopped at the Garda Station in Maynooth and reported it.

In a few days I was up that way and decided to check it out in daylight. There was no sign of any fire ever being there. I rang the Garda Station later and there was no fire when they checked. They probably thought I was daft. At this point everyone thinks I'm mad but we all saw it.

I was doing a course in Dublin at the time and I made it my business to attend Hare Khrishna meetings and read their books during this time. I read the Bhagavad Gita. I still have it and the other books on Khrishna Consciousness.

Then they bought that Island near Enniskillen and set up there. I took my youngest there for a ceremony day too. The others have moved on from this... Everyone there in their lovely robes. The revered cows wandering around and peacocks in the trees. Lovely food. It was mesmerising. I really wanted to stay.

My mother died a few years later and I found the words of the Bhagavad-Gita very comforting. I was straddling two religions and somehow not at  all conflicted.

Then my sister died as a result of the blood transfusion scandal and the trauma was unbelievable - not alone her death at age 38, leaving 5 children but what the medical profession and hospital put her through and how it was all brushed under the carpet.

Then our son was in an accident and badly brain injured and his friend died in the ICU bed in Beaumont beside him. We were traumatised. I couldn't stay in that room for prayers before they switched off his life support. I sneaked up to the Oratory and cried and gave out to God and prayed our son would live. He was only 20. I said that piece from the Bible where Abraham offers his son Issac to God and God let's him live. I said this. If you must have him thy will be done but our hearts are breaking. I felt this touch on my shoulder. No one else was there and an inner voice said leave it with me. He lived and for 36 years I've tried to do that.

During this time we were in dreadful despair. Trying to be in Beaumont with our son and care for our other two children as well as keep money coming in. 

One morning walking down from the church after mass, a white dove alighted in front of me (and others walking with me) and we all said how unusual. But I knew... and when I arrived at my own door the white dove was there waiting for me. Such comfort to know He was still with us despite all we were going through.

After two long stints in hospital here and no hope of any further specialist services that our son needed, we took him to England where he spent over two years in specialist rehab. We were torn every which way trying to keep the show on the road.

I had a lot of spiritual experiences during these years but the most significant was one day I was sitting quietly at home meditating (which I had started) when this feeling came through me radiating from my solar plexus. It radiated out around my body. Just once and very fast coming in waves. The feeling of ecstasy and joy is still indescribable. So, to this day I've never experienced it again and never forgot. But I now know the Spirit of God dwells within. And he is faithful in his love. I rant and rave about life and how hard it is. About our son and how hard it is to get services for him and so much more. Yet I know this is all for some reason way beyond my simple mind. I feel the Presence now typing this as my eyes well up with tears I can hardly see. I am never alone and never lonely no matter what.

Sorry this had been so long. This is over 36 years and everything is true. We have the Holy Spirit within. And to think He has actually made this known to me personally. I can scarcely believe it. We travel everywhere seeking the truth. All the time it is within.

Gerry I hope your spiritual journey is as fruitful as mine but less painful.

God bless.